6 months ago my life changed drastically.
6 months. Wow, I can’t believe it’s been that long.
You always hear of tragic things happening to other people, and you never think it will happen to you. I think we all tend to feel we are somehow immune to that kind of pain or that we are somehow in this safe bubble that poor other souls aren’t in.
But the truth is, none of us are immune to pain. None of us are free from those moments that instantly bring us to our knees.
I have never experienced shock before that moment. But looking back, I know that’s what I felt. I kept thinking “this can’t be real.” But, sadly it was my new reality, and I was going to have to learn how to live through it.
I don’t know that I would classify myself as living some days. There are days when all I can do is breathe. I just can’t handle doing anymore than that. Losing Corey has been the most horrific thing I have ever, ever had to deal with. I no longer feel physical pain because I know it could never hurt as bad. And it will heal and go away. The pain I feel inside never will.
God has been my Rock & Saving Grace, more so than ever these last 6 months. I can’t even imagine enduring this without Him. My thoughts constantly find their way into the depths of despair, mulling over things that will not help me heal. But the Holy Spirit comes alive in me to light the way out of that despair. Without my Savior, I could not endure this life. With Him, I can.
And I do. While I humbly serve, waiting for the day I can hug Corey again. To tell him I love him. To sit and listen to everything he has to tell me, without letting life get in the way.
Corey, you meant the world to me. I would give almost anything for one more day with you. But I know it would never be enough. I hope and pray that you knew how much you were loved. Your best buddy misses you more than you would ever know. I try to keep him occupied and help him with his video games, but no one could replace you in his heart, not even his mommy. I love you my Corey Bean. R.I.P. 3.21.93-3.29.12
takethisworld 